420 ftw
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
