I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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