Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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