She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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