I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize