I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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