Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize