I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
