these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
