Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
