C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
