I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
