it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize