I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
