I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
