Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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