the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
