Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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