your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
