So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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