my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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