I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
