im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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