My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
