hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
