I am puke
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
