need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
