just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My life is pants optional.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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