It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
