I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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