how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
