thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
