Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
