I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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