I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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