all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
