Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
