Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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