You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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