stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
