dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
