Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
