Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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