Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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