My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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