I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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