Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
