I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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