we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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