she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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