I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
