she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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