I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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