I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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