He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
oh god was she eating orange peels again
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
