i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
