I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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