maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
