So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
