I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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