You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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