I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just threw up on my dentist
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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