after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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