I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Even my vagina gasped.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize