i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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