he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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