Sponge bath it is.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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