Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
