if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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