C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
