i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize